and makes for an interesting choir or orchestra practice
Ahhhh I have the fondest memories of trying to get through a choir rehearsal with a friend whispering jokes in my ear, of the violinist in the chair next to me whispering viola jokes, and perhaps some not so fond memories of receiving a few ‘wet willies’ in the ear by the ROTTEN tenors sitting behind me in Regional choir. I did marry one of them, so they can’t have been so bad. (In case you don’t know, a wet willy is given by licking your index finger, and sticking in an unsuspecting person’s ear – rather gross!)
Ever had a choir member who simply cannot sing to save themselves? Here are some things to say to let them down gently:-
“I’m sorry, we’ve run out of robes.”
* “We need strong singers like you in the congregation to help them sing the hymns.”
* “I wouldn’t want you to strain your voice.”
* “Did you know singing can aggravate sinus problems?”
*”We still need good people for the hand bell choir.”
* “Here’s a book on spiritual gifts, why don’t you look through it and we can find another place in the church for you to effectively minister.”
* “It’s a shame composers don’t write more songs in your style.”
* “You have a unique range – you hit both notes well.”
* “Did you know there is a new Bible study starting the same night as choir practice, I think you’d get a lot from it.”
* “You have excellent posture.”
Oh deary me!
And a collection of string jokes (mainly viola jokes -did I mention I am a violinist??)
- What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
- How to you get 2 viola players to play in tune? Shoot one of them.
- Why do viola players put their violas on the dashboard? So they can park in handicapped spaces. (No offence to handicapped people intended, of course).
- Why are there skid marks in front of a violin but not a viola? Cars stop for a violin.
- What’s the difference between the first desk of violas and the last desk? About 4 bars.
- How do you get 2 viola players to play a semitone apart? Ask them to play in unison.
- What’s the difference between a violin and a viola? A viola takes longer to burn.
- What’s the range of a viola? As far as you can throw it.
- How are lightening bolts like a violist’s fingers? They never strike in the same place twice.
- How do you keep your violin from getting stolen? Put it in a viola case.
- What’s the difference between a violin and a cello? A cello holds more beer.
- What do you do with a dead violist? Move him back a desk.
- What’s the definition of ‘perfect pitch’? Throwing a viola into the garbage bin wtihout hitting the side.
And I could go on and on and on, but I may never be allowed to play with other string players ever again